Maximizing Returns

On Paper. That’s what the marketing gurus are always telling the American farmer. If your going to survive post 1980’s “Farm Crisis” you have to learn how to “Play the Board”, as in the Chicago Board of Trade. I have a neighbor who has owed me for hay for years because when he was growing beans he re owned them on paper. He still promises all us neighbors he’s gonna pay us back some day.

When they say maximize your returns on paper it reminds me of a similar little paper scam I used to play on the high school principal. On certain school days our father would sometimes keep one or more of us kids home from school to help out. The next day Mom would write us a note explaining the who what why where and when to give to the principle’s secretary excusing us from an absence.

The next day I would tell the secretary I’d forgot my note but she could call Mom if she wanted proof. They sometimes did. Hopefully it was the first week of the month if Mom had added the date and it only involved me. Then I could use the note later in the month by simply adding a 1 or a 2 to the front of the date.  I couldn’t copy Mom’s hand writing but knew a girl who could get the numbers right.

Some kids didn’t give a hoot but I wanted to cover my ass, in case Dad still wanted a reason to kick it. The seventh became the twenty seventh or the seventeenth. Depending on what date worked for any or all of the other co conspirators. Or as we’re known today, co creators.

From them to you, you’re cordially invited. Welcome. Stay as long as you’d like. We’ll cover your ass. See ya there, see ya then …….